The power of our sexuality has always fascinated me.
It has been my favorite topic of conversation with friends for as long as I can remember. Playing with the erotic energy has been one of the most delicious things about being human. My desire to feel sexually alive is what brought me to this work.
You might be curious how I got here…
Let me share my story.
I grew up internalizing the same messages about my body and my sexuality that most of us did: shame, disassociation and repression . “It’s not okay to touch yourself there. Good girls don’t do that. That’s off limits. Wait until you’re ten pounds lighter.” These implicit messages wove their way into the garden of my being, weeds that went deep. I didn’t question who put them there or whether I wanted them or not; they just were.
Fortunately alongside the weeds, I cultivated my own sexual landscape . . .
. . . as we all do. I experimented with things to discover what I liked and didn’t like. And luckily I had a friend in high school who was kind enough to coach me to my first orgasm. (Ashley, wherever you are, I am still so grateful.)
But the implicit messages kept coming as I progressed through different phases of my life. “Make sure to please him. Did he come? Did I do a good job moaning? How was my performance?” I can remember being pregnant with our daughter noticing yet more implicit beliefs popping up. “Pregnant women shouldn’t masturbate. Pregnant women shouldn’t desire or have sex.” The focus went from my partner to my baby. I did my best to acknowledge these weeds that I didn’t plant and went even so far as to pull some out. But weeds are tenacious.
When our daughter was born no one prepared me for the complete metamorphosis that I would go through. Healing from the trauma of birth, being a new mom figuring everything out moment by moment, breast feeding and nourishing another being with my life force energy... it took a toll. It was the nadir of my marriage. Sex and pleasure were the furthest things from my mind. But I missed them like an old friend.
Around the time I finished breast feeding, the erotic landscape that my husband and I were cultivating was a desert. There were a few hardy trees that we kept alive. Beautiful specimens of pleasure that we knew like the back of our hands. But nothing novel was growing, nothing that made my pace quicken.
Then something surprising happened.
My libido returned with a vengeance.
I wanted it all. Dark deep roots of desire wove around my imagination and I let them grow freely. I explored these desires in conversations with friends. Let myself drip with want. Finally, I had the courage to share my desires with my husband.
He said no.
I was devastated.
I didn't want the best sex of my life to be behind me.
At the rate we were going, it was.
That was it. My deepest truth laid bare.
That was the end and the beginning. He wasn’t ready to join me in the depth of my unleashed fantasies but he was earnestly willing to build something new and more satisfying together. We needed teachers. Guides who knew more than us to help us expand beyond our current state.
By day I continued to be a middle school Spanish teacher and author. By night I explored erotically.
We read books by relationship and erotic expert Esther Perel. We dove deep into the world of sacred sexuality with holistic sex and relationship expert Kim Anami. We took risks, experimented, cleared out old resentments and made space for something different.
We made time for pleasuring each other.
I began to work with Layla Martin, a woman who studied human sexuality and human biology at Stanford and then spent a decade learning from Tantric masters in the jungles of Asia. She taught me the importance of really attuning to the signals I was getting in my body, the felt sensations and messages that I had been taught to ignore. Layla helped me unlock different kinds of erotic pleasure that I had never known before. It was easy to say yes to her VITA Coaching Program, which combines the deep wisdom of Tantra with scientifically validated methods for transformation. With this program, I have experienced a universe of deep and real love and discovered more energetic aliveness and profound beauty in my everyday life.
Transforming the garden of my erotic life has been healing, challenging and rewarding beyond measure.
I believe that our sexuality is the most delicious and effective way to heal, grow, and thrive.
I am excited to help you sexually thrive in your life.